Thursday, 2 April 2009

She dreams in blue.

I have a situation...

When I'm in peace and I have nothing on my mind, I can sleep for 8 hours exactly, and I wake up all fresh and happy and younger..? (as younger as the beauty sleep can get to you). But if I have something on my mind, good or bad, I wake up before my eight hours. I open my eyes quickly, I can even hear myself gasping. Saying the words that so many teenagers say these days: omg, what if? And then my mind starts revolting around thoughts and ideas, and songs and lyrics, and feelings and moments and time that will take my breath away, in a good way or a bad way.

People tell me, you'd have a diary, write everything that worries you before going to sleep and then you won't wake up worrying about that. But the thing is, first: I can't write a diary every night. I wasn't able to do it while I was a kid, even less right now. Second: not all my thoughts are worries. Sometimes my mind just wanders away and try to think about all the possibilities that I might be able to do. What should I do or should I do. Its quite funny, because I am considered a quite impulsive person.

Yeah, I am impulsive. But I am an impulsive thinker. You see, I do the things without a thought. I am passionate and impulsive, I want to know things and I want them now. Not tomorrow, or the day after. I like moving ahead and doing what my feelings dictate in that second. Should I be angry? I will be angry. Do I feel like kissing him? I will kiss him. Do I feel that this is not right? Then it is not right. That's how I work. But, the thing happens after my act of impulsiveness... Then I start thinking... And I think about all the things that might happen after my selfish impulsive act: Maybe I wasn't supposed to be angry. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I'd not kissed him, or maybe its ok. Maybe it is right, but I'm just biased.

So I am an impulsive thinker.. and all my thinking happens just a couple of hours before I am supposed to be awake... Those thoughts creep into my mind when I'm having my last lag of dreams... And they wake me up... And then I start doing my thinking.

As a hymn for my thinking dreams (and because since yesterday I've been having them) here's this song: Because I dream in blue. Because I decided that the thoughts are blue.

Artist: Josh Woodward
Album: Other Songs
Title: She Dreams In Blue

The tiptoes on the bedroom floor
These quiet eyes are spinning in the dark
The secret wish that none will know
She keeps it locked up in her pale heart

Wait for it, it's tired and it's true
Wait for it, it's all she ever knew

She dreams in blue
Wait for it, it's all she ever knew

The background hum of city streets
And whispers from the neighbors intertwine
The distant glow of beacon lights are
Breaking through the cracks between the blinds

Wait for it, it's hiding out of view
Wait for it, it's all she ever knew

She dreams in blue
Wait for it, it's all she ever knew

She opens up her weary eyes
The foggy cloud of vision fills the air
She strains to make some sense of all the
Abstract shapes and colors everywhere

But all the blue just fades away dissolving in a haze of grey
And lost inside her empty mind is everything she tried to find
And all the blue just fades away, she lost it in a haze of grey

She dreams in blue
Wait for it, it's all she ever knew


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